Are your weaknesses really strengths in disguise?

I’ll never forget the first time I gave a talk. The group was a graduate speaking to a fluency seminar at Northwestern. And I got connected to them through my speech therapist; she suggested I try my hand at public speaking to get more comfortable stuttering.

Stuttering has always been a struggle mentally and emotionally for me, and it has always made me a nervous communicator. Because I associate stuttering with a lot of negative feelings, that extended itself to talking in general. So, I found it wildly fascinating that my speech therapist suggested I speak to this group in particular. They were smart and curious graduate students, so it was a safe environment. But they could find me boring or my story uninteresting or just find no value in what I had to say.

The truth is my confidence was always shaky and it was much more so that evening I spoke to those students. Everything ended up being fine, of course. I told a few stories, the students asked me a lot of great questions, and I learned something incredibly valuable:

The first step of vulnerability is just showing up. But it’s that next step that is key, and that’s speaking up. When talking about vulnerability, we need to also talk about communication.

Why is communication so hard?

One of the things I hear constantly from people is how they are so bad at communication. According to Forbes’ The State of Workplace Communication in 2023 report, poor communication reduces trust for over 40 percent of workers. And over half surveyed said that trust suffered even more in remote working environments. We all know why communication is important; the ability to effectively communicate your ideas is one of the most valuable professional skills you can have regardless of your field. In the words of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, you cannot over invest in communication.

But why is communication so hard? Why do so many of us struggle with something that we are all consistently doing anyway? For the same reason communication is so important: because we’re all different.

Our differences make it very difficult to connect with others, because oftentimes it’s all we can see. But those things that are seemingly separating us are also the things that give us perspective; that help us build better products for our customers; and open the door to experiences we wouldn’t have had before.

We can’t look past our differences, so why don’t work with them? And this is where vulnerability comes in.

Personal pain points: a bug AND a feature

My speech impediment forces me to slow down and have patience. And it encourages others to do the same. But it can still cause me some anxiety and others discomfort, and it can unfortunately be inconvenient for some people. Stuttering for me, sometimes, is a pain point. So in all of my talks, I tell people I stutter. If I don’t, it can cause confusion and take away from the message.

Stuttering is also a feature of my talks. My biggest vulnerability is what helps teach audiences how to engage with theirs. That wouldn’t happen without communication: both my willingness to speak and the audience’s readiness to listen.

So how do you do this? How do you make your “bugs” a feature? And how can you insert that feature into the way you communicate with others? You first must know how a productive conversation looks and feels. When you have a good gage of the flow of the conversation, it'd much easier to know how to turn your bugs into features. So what do productive conversations look like?

1. Everyone is heard.

You get your point across, and the person you are speaking to gets their point across. Remember that a major aspect of vulnerability is talking. So, speak for intention first and for impact second.

2. Everyone is asking relevant questions.

As we’ve discussed before, listening is a huge factor in vulnerability. Your approach to conversations should always include what to say and how to listen. A big part of that how is getting clarity, so asking relevant questions is a must.

3. The conclusion of the conversation feels right to all parties.

According to a Harvard study involving 992 participants, only two percent of conversations ended when both parties wanted them to end. And usually, either one or both parties wanted the conversation to keep going. Now this doesn't mean that everyone is going to be happy with the conversation. But everyone will feel that conversation was valuable, got points across, and was done so in a respectful way.

Being vulnerable at work means leaning into those vulnerabilities to better connect with others. That starts with showing up, but it continues with how we approach conversations - both the way we speak and how we listen.

Sharon Steed is a keynote speaker, author and founder of Communilogue, an empathy consultancy. She teaches audiences the key empathy behaviors necessary to retain top talent as well as improve individual and team performance. A lifelong stutterer, Sharon uses her speech impediment to both teach what empathy is and to inspire audiences to engage in empathy actions daily. Head to her website to learn more about her work, and follow her on LinkedIn where she shares daily updated on making empathy actionable and vulnerability at work.